The Audiologist

The babies are screaming early in the morning, over an hour before they should wake.
The trucks and roaring down the main road so loudly it makes the house shake.
The ambulance sirens screech as the babies are just going down for their afternoon nap.
Our old, brass doorknob clangs and I miss the what was being said on my favorite show.
Annoyed drivers honk because I'm still new here and I'm not sure where I am going.
The man in front of me at the grocery store makes his sneakers squeak.
Children scream during a peaceful moment in sacrament meeting.
Our wood floors creak so loudly they act as a tracking device.
The rowdy strangers at the next table use vulgar language.
Clangs from the boiler set my teeth on edge.
A snoring husband keeps me up at night.
My morning alarm squawks too loudly.

The noise.
The noise is everywhere.
And this week I could not be more grateful that I can hear it.

An Update on The Littles Hearing

We spent a good portion of Monday and Tuesday at the audiologist. Having children with degenerative diseases makes going to the doctor terrifying. On a day to day basis I don't spend a lot of time thinking about CMV. But when I go to the doctors I am always in a ball of knots. The kind that sink deep into your stomach and make you feel nauseated. 

The hearing test they do on the littles is exhausting. The babes have to be sleep deprived leading up to it so they will sleep through the entire test. So you spend the day not feeding them and trying to console them but not too much or they will fall asleep. By the time we get to the appointment they have hoarse voices and puffy eyes and you feel like the worst human in the world. And then, the worst part happens (even worse than the cranky child), you wait. 

You wait with these sweet babies sleeping soundly in your arms, babies that you would tear the world down brick by brick to give them everything they need. You watch the audiologist's face so intently you could sketch it perfectly by the end of the two hour appointment. A wrinkled  forehead, a downward lip, the slightest shake of the head, and you can feel the hot tears waiting at the gate. Knowing that terrible news is coming. Because when you have a child with special needs you always expect the news to be terrible. After your second or third appointment with a specialist, you train yourself not to expect good news. 

But then, they hear. 

Lincoln could hear. The audiologist gave me the test results and I looked at her with what must have been a look of surprise. She smiled and said, "That little boy could hear a mosquito land". And the tears come anyway. Linc's results were positive but not perfect. He is always at high risk for hearing loss with his CMV so we will test again in six months but for now, the boy can hear!

Sophie's results were positive as well. Her results stayed steady which is amazing news. Her left ear was great and tested normal. But she remains in the "severe hearing loss" category in her right ear. She will be fitted for a hearing aide in early February. We are hoping that an aide will help her localize sound a bit better. She reacts to noise and her cooing still sounds great, but she has a hard time finding toys sometimes and doesn't recognize her own name yet. 

And so after one of the longest weeks ever (and it is only Wednesday night!) I am humbled by the gift I so ungratefully receive most days: the clicking sound of my keyboard. A sound I never take notice of, but would sorely miss. 

And I keep a prayer that my sweet littles will always be able to hear it. 


Hello, 2014

Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a more exciting New Year's Eve than our little family did. We left my parents home in Utah at 1PM and arrived at our front door in New York at 4:30AM. It was quite the day of travel involving: one transfer in Chicago, two cranky babes, three hours on the tarmac, and four midnight celebrations (because hey, why not?).

Last year I decided to choose a mantra for the year and I posted it all over the place. There were many occasions where I felt it lifted my spirits and refocused my goals. So I decided to go for it again this year.


I saw this a month or so ago and it struck a chord with me after all the craziness this year brought. I've learned that even in the darkest moments, you can choose joy. Choosing joy doesn't mean every moments is easy, but it allows you to find those small moments amidst the darkness that make the darkness worth it.

As for my New Year's resolutions go, I'm doing a mix of this and the 12 month plan that I saw on a friend's blog but for the life of me can't remember which blog. I know New Year's resolutions are cliche and, all too often, unproductive but if there is an ounce of motivation why not go for it? I think the new year is empowering and who am I to just let that feeling pass by!

Anyway, I made my twelve month calender and assigned each month a spiritual, physical and personal goal.
Spiritual goals for me revolve around prayer, scripture study, visiting teaching, missionary goals, etc. Physical are exersize, eat well, drink water, etc. And personal goals are goals that revolve around me allowing myself creative space and personal improvement; like reading a book, keeping up on current events, writing, painting, going to new places around town.

I love this approach because I usually make a laundry list that is completely overwhelming and I couldn't possibly remember each goal on a day to day basis, which I think is the most vital part of accomplishing goals. I think the twelve month plan also offers variety which for me personally, is important is staying on track. 

Here is to 2014 and choosing joy!


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