A few weeks ago, maybe a month, possibly more...wow time flies. The girls in the family all went to Gateway to see Eclipse. Not the best movie in the world but some of the best people in my life. I drove down to SLC with my cousin Becca, I think it is truly the first time I have ever spent anytime alone with her. It was great how easily we got to talking about our lives and how comfortable it was being so honest. It is an experience I have thought about a lot since.
I miss my family. Not like Provo is a million miles away (though traffic makes it feel like it sometimes) or anything but I miss things. I miss laying on my parents bed at midnight when I would come home excited about things. I miss listening to Jessica sing through the door. I miss the smell of banana bread after a terrible day at school. I miss awkward family prayers. I miss not being so afraid of the future. I miss going to the grocery store with my mom and not just because she buys me things I can no longer afford. I miss the noise of a busy house.
That one experience with Becca made me feel like I am not so far away from family after all. It was so funny as we talked about things we are stressed about, I felt like her life was perfect. She has a beautiful baby boy, is building a house, living in Utah being a mom. Everything I want and everything I am afraid I will never have. As Danny and I look through med schools every night I realize I have two years here and then who knows where we will be. And who knows when I will ever get to come home again? I guess I'm having to learn that home is being with Danny not a house in Utah.....but I wish I could have both.