12.15.2009

Dr.Suess

Dr.Suess once wrote "I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind." I feel like that. Trouble coming from no where at all. Maybe it has been looking at me for weeks and I have just been to blind to see it. Why is that? Why do we as humans avoid the inevitable for as long as possible rather than just walking into the trouble and getting it over with. Maybe the trouble wouldn't be so bad if we were in control or directing it some how. Maybe it would see us coming and decide to go away. Maybe what we have been avoiding for so long was not trouble at all but the avoiding gave real trouble time to grow.

The trouble is...

Not knowing. Worrying she won't walk away. Cold. Worrying she won't ever get better. Money. Leaving. Slivers. Being left behind. Getting the job. Not getting the job. Maybe they won't ever accept me. BYU. Utah State. Nick Hansey. Growing up. Death. Change. That maybe things won't work out. Liberals. Trusting the people that may hurt you most. Hoping, always hoping never seeing. Thinking of unique Christmas presents. Seeing doubt in people, when you were so sure. Questioning things you thought you knew. Rings. Giving up.

12.08.2009

Jerica Packer

When I was in my long lasting awkward stage of 11 years old, I went to Jerica Packer's birthday party. December 8th didn't mean much to me then.



I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way
because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I nor you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep
it is your eyes that close.
- Pablo Neruda


Now it does. Happy Birthday boyfriend.

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